


Walking the long road

by Serahne



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Komaeda's perpective is a nightmare to write, M/M, post-sdr2, talk about illness and death, there i said it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 11:51:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10853421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serahne/pseuds/Serahne
Summary: Written for a prompt 'I'm not losing you again' - After everything that happened, the world is going in the right direction, and Komaeda isn't needed anymore. He is at the last page of the book, at the end of the road.Hinata disagrees.





	Walking the long road

“So, how long do I still have to live ?” Komaeda asks the doctor, his usual smile on his face.

Dr. Hiroko rolls his eyes but the white-haired boy can see that he isn’t angry : they have been doing that for more than a year, now, and he had the time to get used to Komaeda’s weird fatalism. Or maybe he thinks it’s some kind of morbid sense of humor, that’s a possibility too.

“Hard to say,” the nice doctor replies without a hint of emotion in his voice ( and Komaeda can enjoys that, he would feel really uncomfortable with someone being sad about his life’s ridiculous circus ), looking at the brain scans. “For now it’s stable, I guess. It has been since you were put in the simulation, though the reason is a mystery.”

Komaeda’s smile grows.

“It’s my luck,” he sing-songs, and maybe he is being a little extra, because the good doctor is frowning. “It will run out - it always does.” He is matter-of-factly about it, but being anything else would be pointless : after all this time, if anything could have been done to fix his rotten brain, it would have been done.

_“This is inoperable, Komaeda. I’m sorry.”_

_“There is nothing to be sorry about, doctor.”_

It was true then, and it still stands. And his desire to die didn’t have anything to do with creating hope or being a stepping-stone, for after destroying the world, for the better or the worse, there wasn’t anything he could do beside watching the amazing people from Future Foundation creating hope. It is nice, and he is happy to be the witness of such thing, but it is the end of the road for him. Just being there, not having any purpose, it can only last for a while, and even the idea to live ten, twenty, fifty more years is a dreadful one.

The check-up lasts twenty more minutes, and then Dr. Hiroko spends the next half hour asking him a bunch of questions about his life here - does he eat well ( not really ), does he sleep well ( alright thanks to the meds ), how are his relationships with his colleagues ( he is amazed to be in everyone’s shining presence, of course )

“What about Hinata ?” The doctor asks.

Komaeda blinks, surprised by the question. That’s the first time he has been asked to talk about Hinata.

“We aren’t working together,” he answers anyway. “Naegi told me he is working on his talents, but I don’t know anything more.”

It’s hard to hide the bitterness in his voice. He isn’t even sure why he is so annoyed by that, Hinata using talents that aren’t his to use, trying to master powers he was never meant to have, and not doing anything useful as far as he can tell.

“Aren’t you friends ?” the doctor asks again, his voice purposely conversional.

Komaeda narrows his eyes. He shouldn’t be bothered. He shouldn’t care.

“No,” he says. “I can’t see where you got that idea.”

And he really can’t - it’s not like they hang out together or anything, quite the contrary : Komaeda is careful to avoid him as much as possible when they are in the same building, taking the stairs instead of the elevator even if it exhausts him, making sure that he isn’t in the cafeteria before he goes to eat.

He isn’t sure what’s going on on Hinata’s side. He sure didn’t try too hard to find him either.

The doctor hums quietly, and the other boy can’t help but think that something is going on behind these questions.

“Did he tell you something ?” Komaeda asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

“No” says the doctor with a smile. Then, as Komaeda is about to question him some more :  “And even if he did, I couldn’t tell you anything. I have some ethics, you know.”

The sessions ends there, but questions are running around Komaeda’s head, and it’s hard to ignore it. As a general rule, his life would be a lot easier if he was able to ignore Hajime Hinata, but as pathetic as he is, the simple mention of his name is making him sick in his stomach.

_Did he say something ? Does Hinata talk about him during his sessions ?_

When it becomes clear that Dr. Hiroko’s words are going to eat him alive until he gets an answer, he thinks about his option. The most reasonable one is, of course, asking Hinata what he said. It’s quick, easy, would require minimal contact with him and would leave him with every answer he is looking for. Really, he thinks, that’s the logical thing to do.

And it’s probably why he waits until Dr. Hiroko leaves his office for the night to enter the room as discreetly as possible, using the brain scan he just received, slipping the thin, synthetic film between the door and the wall. The spring bolt doesn’t resist, and in a few seconds, Komaeda has a total access to the doctor’s office.

He probably should say something to the good doctor, telling him that locking his door could be a good idea, even with a door that you can only open from inside without the key.

He really should.

Oh well.

Quickly, he opens the drawers, looking frantically for Hinata’s file. He sees a bunch of names he recognizes : Tsumiki’s file is twice as thick as Komaeda’s, which makes him a little curious, but he isn’t here to check on the nurse’s situation.

He finds what he is looking for, his hands shaking a little when he sees Hinata’s picture on the first page, and really, how ridiculous can he get ? He isn’t sure how long he has until he gets busted, so he flips through the pages quickly, reading the different ways Hinata has been testing Kamakura’s talents, and he really, really doesn’t want to read it.

And finally, his name, there, right in the middle of the last page. He isn’t sure if he is disappointed that the part about him is barely a few lines long, or completely taken aback that it’s just there. His eyes drink up the words avidly, reading them again and again, not really sure what they mean.

Then it clicks, and his eyes widens.

Oh. _  
_

_How dare he ?_

*

The door slams open, and Komaeda is standing in the entrance of Hinata’s room. The boy inside doesn’t even jump at the noise, barely raising his eyes from the book he is reading.

“Good evening, Komaeda” he says, apparently unbothered by his sudden appearance.

There is something wrong with Komaeda. Something very wrong about the way he can feel his blood boils when he hears the other’s voice, about the way he can feel his whole body tense under the glance Hinata is throwing him, and he remembers that staying away from him was a good decision.

Except Hinata attacked first. Hinata decided to put his nose into his business, and it’s like the betrayal of a pact they never made.

“Can you explain to me why you asked for my medical record, Hinata ?” He asks, and he tries to be polite, but he can’t help but spit these words.

For one second, the other doesn’t answer, and Komaeda thinks that he is going to be ignored, and he won’t allow that - it’s too late for that, ignoring him stopped being an option when he decided to look at his file. But Hinata ends up by putting his book aside, before looking at him, green and red meeting grey.

“I was curious” he replies. “About your condition. Dr. Hiroko said it couldn’t be fixed.”

He uses that voice, the one he has when he tries to pretend that he is more Kamukura than he really is, dulling his tone and pretending to not be affected by anything. It’s not really Kamukura, though. He isn’t sure he manages to fool others with it, but the only effect it has on Komaeda is to annoy him even more.

“It doesn’t concern you” he says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Hinata bites his lips, and a light appears in his eyes. Komaeda knows what he is going to say before the words are out.

“Maybe I could help.”

“No.”

No. He isn’t allowed to do that. He saved him once, didn’t he ? He did it, he rubbed his failure in his face, he showed him how utterly useless he was - _he is_ \- and how unecessary his actions have been, and fine, it was fair game after Komaeda’s insults. Bringing him back to life was maybe a little too much, but alright.

But now that was just trying to keep him alive for the sake of showing off. And he won’t be the Pseudo-Hope’s cobaye.

Hinata closes his eyes, but Komaeda feels the panic rising.

“Listen”, the other boy says, “you are being unreasonable. It won’t be easy, but if we include my talents and your luck in the equation…”

“No,” Komaeda repeats. “I won’t let you.” And then, as Hinata is still watching him with his ‘come on, don’t be difficult’ look, he adds : “I’ll throw myself by the window before I let you do that to me. I’ll cut my throat with the first knife I can get my hands on.”

“I won’t let you”.

Hinata’s words are definite, determined. And then, the last straw :

“And you won’t do that. You won’t waste the energy I put into this project by killing yourself.”

Isn’t it funny, Komaeda thinks. All this time claiming that he wanted to understand him, and here they are. He glances around the room, looking at nothing and everything at once, searching for a way to escape maybe. In front of him, Hinata is controlling his body language perfectly, and it’s tiring him.

And that’s what it’s all about. Komaeda feels so tired, and Hinata refuses to let him rest.

“Do you enjoy it ?” Komaeda asks, looking down, defeated but still decided to hurt the other in a way or another. “Playing God ? Does it give you hope ? No… you don’t really care about that, do you ? Does that make you proud ? Me being alive, is that the proof that you aren’t an useless Reserve Course Student after all ?”

Silence. After a few seconds, Komaeda raises his head toward the other, who doesn’t try to look like Kamukura at all anymore, and for some reason, it brings some relief to him.

“We can talk all night if you want.” Hinata’s voice is softer than he expected. More vulnerable. “I made up my mind. I’m not losing you again. Not if I can help it, this time.”

These words create more confusion inside his head than the previous ones.

“Losing ?” He repeats, desperately looking into the other boy’s eyes for something, anything, and yes, he is being pathetic, but he knew he would end up acting like that when he set a foot in the room. “How could you lose me, Hinata, when I am not yours to begin with ?”

He should be more careful about the words that comes out of his mouth. It’s his first thought when he sees Hinata’s cheeks flare up. The brown-haired boy coughs behind his hand, trying to not talk about how _awkward_ this sentence is.

“I mean…” he says and he feels with horror his own face catch fire “I mean, I really didn’t ask you anything, and you aren’t allowed to…”

“Komaeda,” Hinata tries to cut him off.

“I don’t care about your reasons,” he keeps going “There are… thousands peoples. Hundreds of thousands who want to be saved, and want to live, who are worth something. I’m asking you to focus on them. I don’t need anything.”

“Komaeda.”

“And I know” he is a little desperate, because Hinata is trying to talk again, and he is looking at him with his amazing eyes and his almost-tender smile, and he really can’t deal with it now. “That for someone who was a worthless, good-for-nothing reserve course student, it’s a revenge to be able to save someone like me, but _it’s not worth it_ , you already did it once, it was enough, _I get it_ , you’re so much more amazing than I am, _I get it_ , it’s alright, I was wrong, but then it’s not that much of a surprise and…”

He shuts up when Hinata lunges at him, and Komaeda thinks he is about to be punched, but the next thing he knows, he is being kissed by the softest mouth he has ever been kissed by.

Not that he has a lot to compare it with.

It’s clumsy and lame and perfect and Komaeda closes his eyes and his hands lose themselves in Hinata’s hair. Their lips move slowly, tentatively against each others for a few seconds, and then Hinata backs down a little, staying close enough that Komaeda can feel his breath on his face when he talks.

“ _I’m not losing you again_ ” he says once more, putting his forehead against Komaeda’s.

And weirdly enough, this time, he isn’t about to contest what Hinata is saying. Instead, he thinks for the hundredth time tonight that being near Hinata is probably really bad for his health.

“You are going to kill me,” he mumbles weakly.

The other laughs a little at that, and his eyes shine with euphoria, though Komaeda isn’t sure why he looks so happy. Kissing him isn’t such victory. It’s not like there was ever the possibility that he would be pushed away by Komaeda, was there ?

“Maybe” Hinata smiles “But in a very, very long time. Are you okay with that ?”

He isn’t, but when he is about to voice his opposition, he notices that Hinata has a dimple on the right side of his mouth, and suddenly he really wants the boy to kiss him again. It’s not just a ‘oh, it would be nice’ kind of feeling, it’s a terrifying want that makes him weak and giddy.

“Yes, I think so” he breaths out.

Hinata offers him another glorious smile and then joins their lips for another hopeful kiss.


End file.
